ANSWER: Do not coerce your son to change his feelings towards his sister through treats and punishment. Instead, create a situation that allows your son to experience more one- on- one time with his less favored sibling.

Attempting to force your son to treat his sisters the "same" will only ignore his feelings, creating a false instead of genuine connection. While being proactive in creating an atmosphere in which he has greater contact with her, is more likely to result in a positive sibling relationship.

All children are unique. Still, comparisons will be made between siblings, and twins are no exception. We want our children to like each other equally, but this can only come with a true appreciation for differences in the family.

What is the balance between stepping back and accepting your son's natural likes and dislikes, or making a concerted effort towards influencing your child's feelings towards a sibling? The answer lies in the atmosphere cultivated in the home. Rather than force people into boxes of comparison, healthy family relationships depend on an appreciation of differences. Although this facet of family life is accentuated with twins, it is the same process of acceptance all parents must face.

Give your children the message that in this family, everyone is respected and appreciated. Reflect your son's feelings, that he likes the qualities he sees in his favored sister, perhaps because they are similar to his own. It is natural to gravitate towards those who are like us, but we often learn more from those that are different from ourselves.

Teaching an appreciation of differences is always supported by familiarity. By arranging for your son to spend separate time alone with his less favored sister, putting puzzles together or creating a gingerbread house, he will not be able to default to his preferred sister. It is more likely that he will go the extra mile to connect with (and appreciate!) a sibling more different from himself. But acknowledging differences is not enough! Validating the girls' differences is key to the self-esteem of all family members. This would take some deeper thinking about the ways in which the "unpopular" sister's actions may reflect strength, rather than a weakness. For example, maybe her strength lies in creativity, instead of order. Parents can point out these attributes, confirming differences, which change the very nature of the comparison. For example, "Sonja is good at organizing and sorting things, while Christine focuses on exploring and pulling things apart to see what makes them work."